"Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh."
This post is going to get me into trouble. You have to promise to read all of it if you read any of it. Promise? Okay...continue.
Did you know that nowhere in the Bible does God condemn fornication as the English dictionary defines it? If we define fornication as sexual intercourse between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman, the Bible does not condemn this. It condemns homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22). It condemns incest (Lev 18:6). It condemns adultery (in the Ten Commandments, people). It condemns sexual intercourse during the woman's menstrual cycle (Lev 18:19). It even explicitly condemns bestiality, as if that wasn't a clear one (Lev 18:23). But nowhere, that I can find, does the Bible (Old or New Testament) condemn the act of two unmarried people engaging in sexual intercourse (I know the KJV says fornication several times, but the word translated fornication in some passages is also translated adultery and homosexuality in other passages; the word actually means sexual immorality--what is sexually immoral was understood to be taken from the Old Testament Scriptures).
Okay, firstly, I'll tell you what I am not advocating. I am not advocating that we have loose sex. I am not saying I believe it is okay for young Christian people to have sex with members of the opposite sex outside of marriage. I am not saying that fornication, as the English dictionary defines it, is okay.
Secondly, what am I saying? I'm advocating that we follow the Bible a little more closely (or a lot) when it comes to defining sex and marriage and weddings and all that stuff. I'm not saying fornication is okay--I'm saying it is impossible! Yep, I believe the Bible does not condemn fornication because it does not know the concept at all. As far as sexual relations between two people of the opposite sex who are unrelated are concerned, the Bible knows only two options: marriage and adultery. One is good. The other is bad. Perhaps I've oversimplified in a way, but I'm trying to fit this discussion into a readable blog. What I'm saying is chiefly this: sex means your married.
Here's an illustration: Two Christian young people get engaged and fall into sexual sin two weeks before the wedding day arrives. Did they have sex before they were married? No, for that is impossible! They simply got married before they had planned to get married. If it's wrong or not is a whole different discussion, but the fact of the matter is that the Bible represents marriage as being consummated by sexual intercourse, i.e. becoming one flesh. Now, sex is not all that is required of a good marriage, but it does marry. Compare it to baptism: When I am baptized, I am part of the Church. It doesn't mean I'm a faithful member of the Church, but I am a part. In fact, it is my baptism that makes my unfaithfulness so terrible! The same is true of sex and this is why loose sexual relations with every Joe or Jane you meet in a nightclub is so bad. It's so bad because in God's eyes, you are married when you become one flesh with them. Our modern sexual scene is a slap in God's design for sex and marriage.
A marriage license, a wedding, even saying vows in front of a pastor and your friends--none of that matters in God's way of marriage. He married Adam and Eve by putting them together and making it permanent. All that is required for two people to be properly married (I say properly to qualify this) is a conscious commitment to be with each other permanently. When they become one flesh, the time for regrets it past and the marriage has been sealed. So many people live together with the intent to marry one day, not realizing that they are as married as they will ever be, in God's eyes. For them to separate and find new partners would be divorce and adultery before God.
Perhaps you don't follow my reasoning from this verse. "Sex is an element of marriage," you say, "but it doesn't make a person married." Look at Biblical examples of marriage. Adam and Eve didn't have a wedding. Isaac took Rebekah into his mother's tent, and she was then his wife. David took Abigail and made her his wife in the wilderness, far away from any priests or public officials. There are weddings in the Bible, and there is nothing wrong with having a wedding. I think there are good reasons to have a wedding, especially in this culture. It makes the couple's intentions clear to their family and friends. It protect their reputations. It is a memorable and sentimental event. It creates a chance to glorify God for what He has brought together and it creates accountability for the couple to make sure they don't set asunder what God has joined. However, in the Bible, weddings were neither necessary nor religious events. Vows before God didn't create a marriage; becoming one flesh did.
One final thought. Look at 1 Corinthians 6:16: "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.'" Paul quotes this passage to prove that a Christian who has sex with a prostitute becomes one with her and, in turn, unites a prostitute to Christ. This is very telling. Obviously this person would have no intention of marrying this prostitute. That's why he's going to a prostitute in the first place. And yet, Paul says they are one flesh. They are married! Yikes! How much adultery does this country commit when we place it in those terms?! All these people think they're having uncommited sexual relations, but God says they're committing adultery.
Just to clarify and summarize: Weddings are good but not necessary. Fornication is not okay, but is not actually addressed in the Bible. The Bible calls it adultery. That is why it is not okay. Our idea of what makes a marriage in this country has been skewed, I believe, by the Roman Catholic Church making marriage a sacrament that could only be officiated by a priest. In truth, marriage is not under the auspices of the Church, but it falls under the government of the home. In other words, that's why you have to ask your girlfriend's dad for her hand in marriage. The Church recognizes the marriage because it is to keep you accountable to your vow (spoken or not) before God. Marriage is a union God ordained and is under His terms and His watch and care--not man's.
This post is going to get me into trouble. You have to promise to read all of it if you read any of it. Promise? Okay...continue.
Did you know that nowhere in the Bible does God condemn fornication as the English dictionary defines it? If we define fornication as sexual intercourse between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman, the Bible does not condemn this. It condemns homosexuality (Leviticus 18:22). It condemns incest (Lev 18:6). It condemns adultery (in the Ten Commandments, people). It condemns sexual intercourse during the woman's menstrual cycle (Lev 18:19). It even explicitly condemns bestiality, as if that wasn't a clear one (Lev 18:23). But nowhere, that I can find, does the Bible (Old or New Testament) condemn the act of two unmarried people engaging in sexual intercourse (I know the KJV says fornication several times, but the word translated fornication in some passages is also translated adultery and homosexuality in other passages; the word actually means sexual immorality--what is sexually immoral was understood to be taken from the Old Testament Scriptures).
Okay, firstly, I'll tell you what I am not advocating. I am not advocating that we have loose sex. I am not saying I believe it is okay for young Christian people to have sex with members of the opposite sex outside of marriage. I am not saying that fornication, as the English dictionary defines it, is okay.
Secondly, what am I saying? I'm advocating that we follow the Bible a little more closely (or a lot) when it comes to defining sex and marriage and weddings and all that stuff. I'm not saying fornication is okay--I'm saying it is impossible! Yep, I believe the Bible does not condemn fornication because it does not know the concept at all. As far as sexual relations between two people of the opposite sex who are unrelated are concerned, the Bible knows only two options: marriage and adultery. One is good. The other is bad. Perhaps I've oversimplified in a way, but I'm trying to fit this discussion into a readable blog. What I'm saying is chiefly this: sex means your married.
Here's an illustration: Two Christian young people get engaged and fall into sexual sin two weeks before the wedding day arrives. Did they have sex before they were married? No, for that is impossible! They simply got married before they had planned to get married. If it's wrong or not is a whole different discussion, but the fact of the matter is that the Bible represents marriage as being consummated by sexual intercourse, i.e. becoming one flesh. Now, sex is not all that is required of a good marriage, but it does marry. Compare it to baptism: When I am baptized, I am part of the Church. It doesn't mean I'm a faithful member of the Church, but I am a part. In fact, it is my baptism that makes my unfaithfulness so terrible! The same is true of sex and this is why loose sexual relations with every Joe or Jane you meet in a nightclub is so bad. It's so bad because in God's eyes, you are married when you become one flesh with them. Our modern sexual scene is a slap in God's design for sex and marriage.
A marriage license, a wedding, even saying vows in front of a pastor and your friends--none of that matters in God's way of marriage. He married Adam and Eve by putting them together and making it permanent. All that is required for two people to be properly married (I say properly to qualify this) is a conscious commitment to be with each other permanently. When they become one flesh, the time for regrets it past and the marriage has been sealed. So many people live together with the intent to marry one day, not realizing that they are as married as they will ever be, in God's eyes. For them to separate and find new partners would be divorce and adultery before God.
Perhaps you don't follow my reasoning from this verse. "Sex is an element of marriage," you say, "but it doesn't make a person married." Look at Biblical examples of marriage. Adam and Eve didn't have a wedding. Isaac took Rebekah into his mother's tent, and she was then his wife. David took Abigail and made her his wife in the wilderness, far away from any priests or public officials. There are weddings in the Bible, and there is nothing wrong with having a wedding. I think there are good reasons to have a wedding, especially in this culture. It makes the couple's intentions clear to their family and friends. It protect their reputations. It is a memorable and sentimental event. It creates a chance to glorify God for what He has brought together and it creates accountability for the couple to make sure they don't set asunder what God has joined. However, in the Bible, weddings were neither necessary nor religious events. Vows before God didn't create a marriage; becoming one flesh did.
One final thought. Look at 1 Corinthians 6:16: "Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, 'The two will become one flesh.'" Paul quotes this passage to prove that a Christian who has sex with a prostitute becomes one with her and, in turn, unites a prostitute to Christ. This is very telling. Obviously this person would have no intention of marrying this prostitute. That's why he's going to a prostitute in the first place. And yet, Paul says they are one flesh. They are married! Yikes! How much adultery does this country commit when we place it in those terms?! All these people think they're having uncommited sexual relations, but God says they're committing adultery.
Just to clarify and summarize: Weddings are good but not necessary. Fornication is not okay, but is not actually addressed in the Bible. The Bible calls it adultery. That is why it is not okay. Our idea of what makes a marriage in this country has been skewed, I believe, by the Roman Catholic Church making marriage a sacrament that could only be officiated by a priest. In truth, marriage is not under the auspices of the Church, but it falls under the government of the home. In other words, that's why you have to ask your girlfriend's dad for her hand in marriage. The Church recognizes the marriage because it is to keep you accountable to your vow (spoken or not) before God. Marriage is a union God ordained and is under His terms and His watch and care--not man's.
Hey Josiah! This post is very interesting. I remember coming to the same suspicion a few years ago...especially looking at Isaac and Rebekah...but I wondered, what about the woman at the well in John 4? The story has always been presented to me that she was "living in sin" with the current man she was with....so then I wondered why Jesus didn't acknowledge a marriage between them ("the one whom you now have is not your husband"). Maybe their relationship was of a different nature than I have been taught? I'd be curious to know what you think.
ReplyDeleteWell, a few thoughts. Firstly, I think how this story has been presented has been tainted by our cultural ideas. Secondly, I think Jesus' point/emphasis was that she was committing adultery repeatedly. Thirdly, I don't want to seem like I'm denying cultural marriage rites. These rites were present in Jesus' day and have been in most cultures. These processes help clarify intentions by manifesting the commitment that is required for proper marriage and that is pictured by the unity of the marriage bed.
ReplyDeleteI do, however, think we need to remember the action that God explicitly gave to seal marriage. We need to change our culture to fit the Bible and not the other way around. Proper sexual intercourse requires true commitment, as does proper baptism. But if I said I was lying when I said I had faith, would you say I wasn't actually baptized? No, I'd still be baptized, but instead of blessing me, my baptism would condemn me greater. That's why baptism is not to be administered frivolously. The same applies to sex.
Thanks for your interaction!