Catfish and the Importance of Fathers

My wife has recently become obsessed with the show Catfish.  The show features Nev and Max chasing downing catfish, the former motivated by the fact that he was himself once catfished.  For those who aren't aware, catfishing is basically deceiving someone while carrying on a relationship, romantic or otherwise, online.  For instance, you think you've been talking to an attractive 18-year-old white girl, but you've actually been talking to a 47-year-old black dude.   Sometimes it's a con-artist trying to get money.  Sometimes it's just a lonely teenager trying to make friends.  I must admit that it is an addicting show, almost in the "I-can't-look-away-from-a-car-wreck" sense.  It's not that the show is poorly made, but rather it is the real people featured on this program that act as the spectacle from which I cannot avert my eyes.

At the end of almost every episode I find myself thinking, "What is wrong with these people?"  These thoughts are generally directed at both the catfish and the catfished.  The people who have been tricked are generally shy, unsuspecting people who gave their trust to someone who showed them attention.  Many of them are introverts who really have no other way to create friendships and relationships.  Most of them have self-esteem issues and are, accordingly, prime targets for those looking to take advantage of people.  How, one wonders, can people become so naive?  On the other side of the screen you have the catfish themselves.  They are actually a more pathetic group of people.  As I said, sometimes they're just criminals with no motivation besides money or nude pics. Sometimes they're bored kids with a sick sense of humor.  More often than not, however, they are regular people who are suffering from crippling self-esteem issues.  In fact, the catfished often end up feeling bad for the catfish themselves.  These catfish normally have zero social skills.  They hate themselves.  They create online personas using pictures of other people because they don't think that anyone will be interested in them if they use their own pictures.  More remarkably the catfish sometimes aren't even really catfish, but are real people who have carried on long-term online relationships, but have been too afraid to meet in real life.  Upon explanation the desperation is still unfathomable.  How, you wonder again, can people become so sad and pitiful?

I found myself asking this several times, and then I noticed it--almost everyone on the show, both the catfish and their unwitting victims, comes from a broken home.  More precisely they almost all grew up in homes that lacked a strong father figure.  If I had to put a figure on it, I'd say that well over 75% of the people come from broken homes.  This could be a mere coincidence.  Perhaps it's just the episodes I've watched, but I doubt it.  This is no revolutionary thought, to be sure, but it is a real-life illustration of a well-known fact--the role the father plays in empowering his children is irreplaceable. Both parents are important, of course.  As someone who lost his mother at age 14, I can vouch for the profound effect that a mother has on her children.  The father, however, has the power to empower his children.  Children without positive male role models often end up either as weaklings who let people walk all over them or as bullies who abuse others.  Either result is usually indicative of a lack of self-esteem.  Our culture is quickly finding out what a generation of fatherless children looks like.

As a father of four I find this observation challenging in two ways.  First of all, I recognize that the mental welfare of my children requires that I am around.  This is the simplest principle of being a parent.  To be any good at parenting, you have to be there.  Secondly, I am reminded that I must be more than just present.  I must be an active force in the lives of my children.  I must be there for them spiritually, emotionally, and practically if I desire them to be productive, healthy adults.  Please do not misunderstand me.  I am not advocating coddling your children.  I am not adopting the modern participation-trophy mindset parents and children are being force-fed these days.  What I am advocating is that the father must instruct, educate, and discipline his children.  His presence is inimitable.  He must be their teacher.  He must hold them accountable.  He must affirm them and guide them into adulthood.  He must establish their spiritual framework.  He must acknowledge them and challenge them to become what God wants them to be.  He must love them, sometimes gently and sometimes strictly.  He must pray for and with them.  He must be a prophet, priest, and king to them.  He must, in a sense, image God to them.

This show is interesting because it is a social commentary (Nev and Max often end up sounding like psychologists).  This is also why it is so sad.  The number of people out there on the Internet misleading people is staggering.  I don't know if I can explain the correlation between this phenomenon and absentee fathers, but it's impossible to ignore.  Every time I watch the show I am confronted with my own failures as a father, and I am challenged to do everything I can to make sure my children never end up on either end of such a scheme.