Being an outlier never really bothered me. I began to realize around 10 or 11 that the way I was being raised was significantly different from most of my friends, even those who were fellow conservative Christians. Little distinctions that may not have made sense to nonchristians (and, let's face it, to most Christians) set our theology apart and significantly affected the way we lived our lives. I'm pretty used to being outside of the mainstream because I was raised to prefer faithfulness to the Scripture to being normal. Much emphasis was placed on the responsibility of every Christian, particularly fathers, to know what he believes and why he believes it, and to follow his conscience in lieu of the baseless traditions of men. We respected our religious heritage and thanked God for it, but Scripture was the source of our beliefs, regardless of what this or that Reformed tradition said (of course everyone has traditions they can't recognize or shed, but that was the goal).
As I've grown older, I've done my best to honor this approach. However, I've often found myself in a conundrum. Where is the line between being principled and being headstrong? It's so easy to congratulate yourself for being different, deriding those who mindlessly follow beliefs that have no foundation. It certainly feeds the ego. How do I discern between being "that guy" and being the guy who truly stands for truth? Am I zealous or just misguided? How do I make sure I know the difference?
On the other side of the equation I face another dilemma. How can I tell the difference between being humble and being complacent? Where is the line between allowing myself not to think and humbly respecting the opinions of those much wiser than myself? Going along with the crowd feels weird. Am I acknowledging that some truths transcend my logic or am I simply taking the path of least resistance? Both?
This conflict is not limited to theology/religion. I find it to be the case in many areas of life, especially politics and economics. In my quest to be more than just one of the sheeple, am I just being irreverent and proud? If I try to function as best I can in this corrupt system, am I failing to stand for truth? How do I temper my enthusiasm for truth without losing it?
I suppose this struggle is just something that we all have to battle within ourselves. Of course, some personalities never experience it at all. They are perfectly content with the status quo. My personality, however, lends itself to disagreeing with others, and there are many people like me, I know. We must each examine our own hearts, eschewing pride and pursuing modesty. We must constantly reassess our motives, ensuring that we hold our views out of a desire to glorify God and understand His truth, and not simply to differentiate ourselves and throw off the yoke of tradition.
We also need to make sure that we are honoring those authorities that God has placed in our lives (Hebrews 13:17) for our own good. American Christianity has a bad history of resisting ecclesiastical authority. There is a time and place for rejecting the wolves, but, in our attempts to avoid being led astray, we need to make sure that we are not resisting the faithful shepherds that God has placed in our lives . Our hearts are deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9), so God has given us these shepherds (pastors, elders, etc.) to provide objective voices that can help us to determine our true motives. So, not only should we examine our own hearts, but we should heed the warnings of those who are called to aid us in that endeavor.
I suppose I'll always be an outlier, but I hope that God will help me to be more principled than headstrong, more humble than complacent, and generally less contentious.
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