When you're young, you think you know everything, but, as you get older, you learn that maybe your parents, and parents in general, weren't lying when they tried to tell you what you didn't know. As you mature, you gain more knowledge and wisdom and you are more useful to God, your family, and society. As you learn what you don't know, you are humbled and try to learn so that you can teach the next generation. That is, at least, how it is supposed to work.
I don't know if I ever thought I knew everything about being a father (I was the youngest after all), but I'm sure I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't know that I knew little to nothing about being a father. I didn't know how hard being a father is. Let me tell you, being a father is really hard. Well, let me say that another way. Being a good father is really hard. I know I've been less than that at times. My temper has been too short, as has my attention span. I haven't being as kind, as caring, or as sensitive as a father of three daughters ought to be. I haven't been as consistent as I need to be. I have, however, begun to learn what this whole fatherhood thing is all about. It's about:
Sacrifice. Sometimes I don't want to do the things that I need to do, but then I tell myself, "That's what dads are supposed to do." Sometimes I'm tired and I'd rather just flip on the game than do devotions with my kids, but that's not what's best for them or for me. Sometimes I want don't want to shovel the driveway when it's 5 below, but that's my job. It's my responsibility to keep my kids safe, their stomachs full, and their souls nurtured. Whether you're rich, poor, or somewhere in between, tending to these necessities requires sacrifice. Fatherhood makes demands on your resources, your time, and your soul. Being a good father requires sacrifice.
Dedication. Teaching kids to read doesn't happen in a day. Teaching kids to urinate/defecate in a toilet doesn't happen in a day. Teaching kids to like healthy food doesn't happen in a day. Nothing worth teaching, in fact, is learned (at least mastered) in a day, so why do we expect that kids will learn to be kind, to tell the truth, to love God, and to treat others respectfully overnight? If you want to raise "easy" kids, get a cat. If you want to raise Godly, well-mannered, productive children, plan on working at it for years. If giving up or giving in is your parenting style, your children will most likely reflect that when they are adults. Being a good father requires dedication.
Self-discipline. Boy, this is the hardest one. Kids will be your conscience (Genesis, who will be six in March, is mine). Either they'll a) tell you that you're doing something that you've told them not to do; or b) copy something bad you've done and make you realize that you need to be more careful with what you say/do around them. It's a pretty simple concept: kids do what they see. For a while you might be able to convince them to behave differently than they see you behave, but eventually they're wise up. If you don't take your own standards seriously enough to adhere to them, why should they? Lukewarm parents usually produce lukewarm, at best, children. You can't discipline children unless you discipline yourself. Being a good father requires self-discipline.
Grace. This one is a bit of a double-entendre. Fathers need to give grace to their children, but they also require grace from God (and their children). Ultimately, we all fail. Parents fail. Children fail. Young parents fail and older parents fail. Little kids fail and teenagers fail. The grace in our homes needs to be directly proportionate to the amount of failure in our homes. We need to be willing both to ask for forgiveness and to extend it. This begins with fathers. If the father is too proud to admit his sins, his children will be, too. If the father won't forgive, his children will probably find it difficult to forgiven, as well. Fathers need to demonstrate the power of forgiveness in their homes, thereby training their children to rely on the God of all grace. Being a good father requires grace.
Some of you are probably thinking, and rightfully so, "Listen to this little twerp who thinks he knows everything after having kids for 5 years!" I am just beginning to learn what it means to be a father and I'll probably have much more to say after I've parented a preteen, a teenager, etc. Let me just say that I know I haven't "arrived," if ever a man can, at being the kind of father I should be. I have learned, however, some of what it means to be a good dad, if only by sheer contrast to my former self. I have learned how little I knew about being a father when first I became one. I have learned, at least I have begun to learn, what I didn't know.
I don't know if I ever thought I knew everything about being a father (I was the youngest after all), but I'm sure I didn't know what I didn't know. I didn't know that I knew little to nothing about being a father. I didn't know how hard being a father is. Let me tell you, being a father is really hard. Well, let me say that another way. Being a good father is really hard. I know I've been less than that at times. My temper has been too short, as has my attention span. I haven't being as kind, as caring, or as sensitive as a father of three daughters ought to be. I haven't been as consistent as I need to be. I have, however, begun to learn what this whole fatherhood thing is all about. It's about:
Sacrifice. Sometimes I don't want to do the things that I need to do, but then I tell myself, "That's what dads are supposed to do." Sometimes I'm tired and I'd rather just flip on the game than do devotions with my kids, but that's not what's best for them or for me. Sometimes I want don't want to shovel the driveway when it's 5 below, but that's my job. It's my responsibility to keep my kids safe, their stomachs full, and their souls nurtured. Whether you're rich, poor, or somewhere in between, tending to these necessities requires sacrifice. Fatherhood makes demands on your resources, your time, and your soul. Being a good father requires sacrifice.
Dedication. Teaching kids to read doesn't happen in a day. Teaching kids to urinate/defecate in a toilet doesn't happen in a day. Teaching kids to like healthy food doesn't happen in a day. Nothing worth teaching, in fact, is learned (at least mastered) in a day, so why do we expect that kids will learn to be kind, to tell the truth, to love God, and to treat others respectfully overnight? If you want to raise "easy" kids, get a cat. If you want to raise Godly, well-mannered, productive children, plan on working at it for years. If giving up or giving in is your parenting style, your children will most likely reflect that when they are adults. Being a good father requires dedication.
Self-discipline. Boy, this is the hardest one. Kids will be your conscience (Genesis, who will be six in March, is mine). Either they'll a) tell you that you're doing something that you've told them not to do; or b) copy something bad you've done and make you realize that you need to be more careful with what you say/do around them. It's a pretty simple concept: kids do what they see. For a while you might be able to convince them to behave differently than they see you behave, but eventually they're wise up. If you don't take your own standards seriously enough to adhere to them, why should they? Lukewarm parents usually produce lukewarm, at best, children. You can't discipline children unless you discipline yourself. Being a good father requires self-discipline.
Grace. This one is a bit of a double-entendre. Fathers need to give grace to their children, but they also require grace from God (and their children). Ultimately, we all fail. Parents fail. Children fail. Young parents fail and older parents fail. Little kids fail and teenagers fail. The grace in our homes needs to be directly proportionate to the amount of failure in our homes. We need to be willing both to ask for forgiveness and to extend it. This begins with fathers. If the father is too proud to admit his sins, his children will be, too. If the father won't forgive, his children will probably find it difficult to forgiven, as well. Fathers need to demonstrate the power of forgiveness in their homes, thereby training their children to rely on the God of all grace. Being a good father requires grace.
Some of you are probably thinking, and rightfully so, "Listen to this little twerp who thinks he knows everything after having kids for 5 years!" I am just beginning to learn what it means to be a father and I'll probably have much more to say after I've parented a preteen, a teenager, etc. Let me just say that I know I haven't "arrived," if ever a man can, at being the kind of father I should be. I have learned, however, some of what it means to be a good dad, if only by sheer contrast to my former self. I have learned how little I knew about being a father when first I became one. I have learned, at least I have begun to learn, what I didn't know.
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