Always Reforming

Originally written on 12/09/17. Like yesterday I recall That Christmas day, That thief, That cheat, That day that stole you from me, From us. Yesterday I tried  To imagine how life Would be If you had never been sick, I couldn't do it, Come to think, I never really knew that kind of life, Such a simple life, So uncomplicated by Blood clots and Coumadin and Extended hospital stays, All I know for certain is that I would be different And people would get along differently If you were still here. Yesterday  It struck me What this year means, 28-years-old, 14 before, 14 after, Motherless for exactly Half my life, A milestone  Marked by tears, A journey Marked by tattoos and Turmoil and Bad decisions and Opportunities for growth. What a strange way to end a poem, So confusing and open-ended, But that's just how this works.

Phil, so weak and decrepit that he had to perform (admirably enough) from a chair VS Andrea, his voice still powerful and his posture almost impossibly impeccable. Rock, ranging from pop to progressive VS Opera, classical, jazz, pop, and more, all sung in multiple languages and accompanied by a full orchestra. Die-hard fans, raucous though aging, from all backgrounds VS Impressed Spectators, primarily from the upper crust of society. This has been one of the busiest and most interesting weeks of my life, and it was highlighted by an unlikely juxtaposition. I had the unique (for someone like me anyway) opportunity to attend two concerts at Rocket Mortgage Fieldhouse (a large venue in Cleveland) in the same week.  On Tuesday night it was my all-time favorite band, Genesis, followed on Thursday night by world-renowned tenor, Andrea Bocelli.  A strange confluence of events led to this opportunity.  Seeing Genesis live has long been atop my musical bucket list, so I purchased nosebleed tick

Within myself I find, Within my soul I discover, This feeling,  Latent, This inclination, Unspoken, yet  Assumed, Constant, Nagging, A way of life, Incessant, Woven into my DNA, This mindset, Suffocating, This worry, Enslaving, The inherent impermanence  Of life (So fragile), Of breath (So brief), Of friendship (So brittle), Of churches (So petulant), Of parents (So mortal). Within my heart I sense, Within my mind I uncover, This haunting, Familiar, This anxiety, Comforting, This white noise, a Whisper, Breathe , Surrender , This impermanence cannot last Forever .

I just wanted to offer a brief PSA. In case you were unaware, the cultural norms with which you (and maybe your parents and your parents' parents) were raised  are not the Bible. The Bible doesn't tell the women to do all the cookin' and the cleanin' or that they can't wear pants.  The Bible doesn't even say that a woman has to take her husband's last name.  The Bible never prescribes a form of government, nor does it tell us to say the Pledge of Allegiance at school every morning.   The Bible doesn't tell you to vote Republican or even that you have to vote at all.   The Bible never mentions wearing your Sunday Best to church on Sunday morning or even worshipping on Sunday morning, at all! Now, perhaps these cultural and familial norms were based on Biblical principles at one point in the distant past, and maybe your family and church actively observe such practices in an intentional effort to apply Biblical principles, but we must never make our custo

Warning: I'm about to get snarky! The TR (Truly Reformed) boys were out in full force on October 31st.  They wanted to make sure that, whether you were celebrating Halloween or Reformation Day, you knew you were an evil papist, pagan, and/or idolater!  Like their spiritual forefather, The Grinch, they wanted to ensure that no fun was had and no joy was felt, but, I am happy to report, most people casually want about their business with little or no attention paid to these sourpusses.   I am being overly harsh here for comedic effect, I admit, but I do have a point to make.  There are a variety of motivations (genuine piety, pride, tribalism, etc.) that lie behind this conservative cancel culture, but I believe that it is generally destructive and destabilizing. That's a pretty bold statement, so allow me to explain. I was raised within this segment of the Reformed community.  Many things can be said about it, but the simplest is that it is not a healthy place.  When I say healt

Oh, Fauci, you're in trouble now! Fauci has been, much to his own pleasure, ubiquitous over the last 18 months.  One finds it difficult to turn on the TV or log into social media without seeing his likeness gracing the headlines, memes, etc., and the opinions regarding his character and effectiveness are rarely moderate--he's either a god or the devil incarnate.  Personally, I'm confident he's just another member of America's ruling elite--what I like to call our unofficial aristocracy .   His latest scandal stems from research done in Tunisia that included, how can I summarize this neatly, sacrificing beagles to sandflies.  Previously he faced stiff opposition when it was discovered that the origin of COVID-19 may be tied gain-of-function research in a Wuhan lab that the NIH funded under Fauci's leadership.  Besides his general hypocrisy and vacillation, which should be enough to discredit him, these two scandals have convinced many that Fauci is more evil ge

I do not consider myself a Doug Wilson fanboy , nor do I consider it my duty to defend his antics.  I really don't think he needs my assistance, nor would I care to defend everything the man has said or done.  Nevertheless, both Christian ethics and intellectual honesty require us to take a man's words in context and to allow him to say what he has actually said. Wilson's latest kerfuffle stems from a meandering  article aimed primarily at discussing the intolerance of Christianity by modern liberals.  This is the paragraph that is causing the stir among those who would most likely concur with the general drift of his argument: So in this system all is  not  permitted. Christianity is not permitted. Christ is not permitted. Christians are not permitted. To be an orthodox and believing Christian is to be guilty of violating the only real taboo they have. So I would want to encourage you in this. Go right ahead. Be ultimately transgressive. Subvert the dominant paradigm. Cha

Buried beneath  Decades of earth I find Peace Purpose Rest Unsought Unimagined Uncovered This Canterbury Cross This new direction This second chance Sorrow becomes joy Confusion is transfigured Into vision A bitter end  Gives way To a new beginning  

Another day Slips away, Another year Disappears, Another lifetime Drifts into oblivion. Always running, Always busy, Exhaustingly frantic, Frantically exhausted. Always Distracted by  Something, Distracted by Nothing, Distracted by Our search for Distraction. You blink and it's Thanksgiving, You turn around and Christmas has passed, You rest your eyes and Another Summer  Has come and gone. We bow down, We prostrate ourselves, Before Mammon  And his Hedonistic hordes, We abandon ourselves to The mind-numbing monotony, We deny  Eternity  By our Daily pursuits. Rush through the  Work day To get to the  Weekend Until you Retire  Or  Expire.

Don't worry, guys.  I'm not becoming Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox. But, I do think we have much to learn from our more traditional, liturgical brethren.   The topic of worship, and how it relates to the Scriptures, has been swimming around my mind lately, so you should take this post as exploratory and not dogmatic.  At risk of sounding like a YRR  (which I am not), rethinking everything after reading a few of the Fathers, I am beginning to believe that worship as it is found in the average American Evangelical church has little to do with the historical practices of the Early Church, or really the Church at any point in Christian history before, let's say, the 19th Century.  Now, that doesn't necessarily invalidate modern worship a priori , but I think it is noteworthy and concerning. Let's talk about the Regulative Principle of Worship for a moment.  I was raised in a church that held strictly to this principle, which, to summarize it crudely, states that e

Originally written September 12th, 2016. In case you were wondering, This is what it looks like when you cross A paranoid mother and A zealous father. Here I am, The third son, The seventh child, Something between A gasp for air and A sigh of relief, The baby of the family Who never really had a childhood, Trapped in this middle ground between Who I thought I'd be and What was expected of me. I learned the hard way the danger Of underestimating the effects that Loss can have on a teenager, Plagued by a strange blend  Of fear and apathy, I failed at everything I never tried. I found my way, I guess, I hope, I found something resembling A trajectory, But for all my victories, I can't help but to wonder, Who I would have been, What I would have done, What lost opportunities I will Never know I missed. So here I am, Documenting my life the only way I know how, In case you were wondering.

I am currently plodding through  The Shape of the Liturgy by Dom Gregory Dix.  Having consumed about 100 pages, my initial reaction is that our modern conception (by which I mean that of American Evangelical Protestants) of the worship of the Early Church is highly skewed.  The study I have done over the past few years has convinced me that any attempt to become more Biblical or to imitate the Early Church requires one to become more, not less, liturgical.  American Protestants are often mystified and/or horrified by the smells and bells of the liturgical traditions (Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy, Lutheranism, Anglicanism, etc.), but the harsh truth is that those traditions are far closer to the worship of the Primitive Church than the concerts put on each Sunday at your local mega-church. But I digress... What I would like to do today is highlight one of Dix's emphases, which he in turn draws from the writings of the Pre-Nicene Fathers.  This emphasis is the exclusivity o

Somehow, no doubt thanks to generations of  American children being subjected to the propaganda of the government education system, a nation of former rebels has become wary of dissenters.  Anyone who dares to think independently (or, one might say, to think at all) is viewed with suspicion and is publicly ridiculed and ostracized. I've read the history books, and this doesn't end well. In the event that one chooses not to get the jab , he is generally labeled a conspiracy theorist, a nut, and a science denier.  I would know, because I am he , and while I don't expect people to agree with me, I will admit that it is frustrating to be misunderstood or misrepresented.  So my goal here today is not to convince anyone of anything, an aim I fully recognize as futile, but to provide something of a reasonable defense of my personal decision not to get vaccinated for COVID.  My goal is that people, namely, my disparate group of Facebook friends, might understand the thought process

The time has come To say Goodbye To a part of life, To a part of me, The time has come To close the door, To burn the bridge, To start anew. But the hardest part Of moving on Is letting go. Sometimes I wonder Where I'd be If I'd had the courage To cut the cord, Sometimes I wish I could go back But who would I be Without these tears. But the hardest part Of moving on Is letting go. We'll never know What could've been In another world, In another life. Yes, the hardest part Of moving on Is letting go.

Despite what Uncle Sam, Facebook, and CNN would like you to believe, life does not always present you with binary choices.  You do not have to be a Democrat or a Republican.  Defunding the police is not the only alternative to blindly supporting their every act.  Every American does not have to choose between being a White Supremacist or a proponent of CRT.  Whenever the talking heads present us with a binary choice, a classic coercive strategy, we must remember that there is a third way. This is, perhaps, nowhere more apparent today than in how we view the medical community.  Support the medical establishment, we are told, or reject modern medicine wholesale.  Mask up and get the jab, they say, or you're a science-denier.  Those are the options with which we are presented, but mindless self-reliance and mindless reliance upon the experts are not the only two choices we have.  There is a third way, namely, one that does not include being mindless. On the one hand, it is prudent to

Our family recently enjoyed a vacation to Myrtle Beach.  We've been to the beach before, but the atmosphere is definitely unique in Myrtle.  As busy and hectic as it was, we had a fun and relaxing time. As I suspect is the case for most people, I always find the beach to inspire reflection and introspection, so h ere are a few observations from our trip to Myrtle Beach. 1) There's nothing so humbling as the ocean. 2) Human beings, especially Americans, are vain, and cell phones facilitate that vanity.  Never in my life have I seen so many people in one place who think they are models. 3) Few, if any, phenomena on this planet have the ability to unite such disparate people groups--rich and poor, black and white, young and old--as the beach. 4) There are so many Baptist churches in the South.  I know it's stereotypical, but, holy Moses, there are so many Baptist churches in the South! 5) Nothing clears your sinuses quite like salt water. 6) The ocean is the absolute worst pla

Many Christians, particularly those within liturgical traditions, raise their voices in concert every Sunday, affirming the Christian Faith by reciting the Nicene Creed.  The product of doctrinal development from the Kerygma through the Apostles Creed, the Nicene Creed embodies in dogmatic form the positive statements of truth that comprise the objective criteria for identifying the Christian religion.   One of these foundational affirmations is, "We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church." Many people mumble this affirmation without much thought.  If any part of that sentence draws a rise, it's normally the oft-misunderstood word catholic , but what about that word  apostolic ?  What are we to make of it?  What does it mean that the Church is apostolic ? For our Roman Catholic and Eastern Orthodox brethren, affirming the apostolicity of the Church is relatively simple.  They understand what they mean by it and they really mean it.  Forgive my oversimplificati

I'm considering growing out my hair.  Like, really growing it out.   I've never had the endurance to grow it out, properly speaking, though I've always been curious to see what I would look like with hair past my shoulders.  A little piece of me has dreamt of having long locks since I first saw Tommy on Power Rangers.   I can still vividly recall how completely my six-year-old self was enthralled by his luscious mane.  I made the mistake of mentioning how cool Tommy's hair was, which led to my father forbidding us from watching Power Rangers.  He said it was because the show was too violent (laughable, I know), but I knew it was because of Tommy's hair.   My dad always hated long hair on men, and he defined long hair as anything over the ears.  He particularly hated it when his own son grew his hair out to any significant degree. "Isn't it about time for a haircut?" he'd prod, much less subtly than he imagined. Being the non-confrontationist that

Oh, my soul, Quit chasing waves, Stand not at the shore, Watching them fade. Oh, my mind, Quit watching clocks, Waste not time consumed By ticks and tocks. Oh, my heart, Quit mourning leaves, Miss not the forest For long lost trees.

I fail, I fail, Daily, I fail. How  I am humbled By my pride! How I am abandoned By self-restraint! I find I am like my father, But with a sailor's mouth. Father , How  Incredible a role! How  Miserably I fail! How I mourn My weaknesses! How  I long for A gentle spirit! I fail, I fail, Daily, I fail.

10 years of love, 10 years of trust, 10 years of you, 10 years of us. It feels like forever, And yet, yesterday, That we said,  I do , That you took my name. A decade, A lifetime, A moment, A breath. 10 years of laughter and heartache, 10 years of worries and memories, 10 years of triumphs and mistakes, 10 years of constant discoveries. 10 years of love, 10 years of trust, 10 years of you, 10 years of us.

At the heart of today’s debate over many social issues, particularly transgenderism, is a very simple question: is reality objective?  That is, is there a genuine, objective reality that exists outside of me ?  Is there something transcendent (a god, nature, etc.) to which I must inevitably relate and by which I am bound; or am I self-determining and self-defining?  Do my beliefs and desires, my psyche, create a reality to which the world around me, including other people, must conform? How we answer this fundamental question (and we often answer it subconsciously) will determine how we live our lives and how we interact with our fellow citizens.  Debates over social issues will, of course, remain fruitless as long as we disagree about this basic concept.

These wounds are so fresh, and yet Scabs are already forming, Was it yesterday?  Or Was it a lifetime ago?

Economics is a complex subject that has been hotly debated for centuries.  These debates often devolve into passionate, illogical rhetoric, which should be unsurprising when we consider that economics concerns not merely theoretical numbers on pages, but the lives of actual human beings. Conservatives are often criticized, and many times rightly so, for their dispassionate approach to economics, but Liberals must remember that poor economic policies, regardless of the motives that lie behind them, produce devastating results in the real world.  Emotional policy making, divorced from common sense economic principles, almost always harms the vulnerable classes it intends to help, no matter how zealous the policy makers and their supporters may be. Whether we are concerned citizens on social media or public servants on Capitol Hill, we must avoid both extremes.  We should never approach economics heartlessly, as if it were merely an intellectual exercise, but it is important to remember t

What we’re witnessing with the labor shortage right now, particularly in the fast food industry, is the free market attempting to work.  Employers are doing whatever they can to compete for the few people currently looking for work, offering $13+/hr for menial labor and even advertising sign-up bonuses.  They cannot, however, compete against Uncle Sam, who is paying people not to work and doing so by inflating the dollars of hardworking Americans.  As prices go up and the repercussions of shutting down our economy set in, the lower classes will almost certainly blame evil capitalists, but it will have been, as usual, the fault of crafty politicians who bought votes by devaluing our currency and interrupting the job market.

From sun-up To sun-down You're selfless, You're serving Your children, Your Savior. What a woman! What a mother! What a blessing it is To share this life with you! From skinned knees To stung hearts, Your soft touch, Your sweet words, Are healing And soothing. What a woman! What a mother! What a blessing it is To share these kids with you! You are The heart of our home, You are  The glue that keeps it together, You are  Everything I could never be For them. What a woman! What a mother! What a blessing it is To share this home with you!

You never know. You just never know. You never know when this  phone call might be the last one you have with your loved one. You never know when that text will be the last one you send to your best friend.   You never know when a mindless , careless word will be the last you utter to a person who means so much to you. Life doesn't always afford us the opportunity to make peace, to say goodbye, to say the words we've always been too afraid to say. As I scrolled through my text threads yesterday, and I stumbled across the last text conversation I had with my father.   We were discussing light bulbs. All the bulbs in the lighting fixture in our kitchen had burned out and he had told me that he had extra that I could have.  They are the long, skinny kind, (the kind you normally see in an industrial building or an office), so he sent me pictures of them to make sure they were the kind I needed.  One of the pictures was taken by my step-mom and shows him holding up the bulbs so I

Originally written on 04/18/16. It's difficult to comprehend you, It's painful to absorb you, I strain to see the order, Sometimes impossible to see, O, Death, I know you have no sting, But sometimes I still feel it. It's hard to anticipate you, It's dreadful to see you coming, How quickly you're upon us! How suddenly the world grows dark! O, Death, I know you have no victory, But sometimes I feel the loss. There is a difference Between knowing  And being able to let go, My mind understands, But my soul still aches, O, Death, I know you are defeated, But sometimes I still fear you.

It is nearly impossible today to turn on the TV or to open a social media app without being bombarded by racial tension.  Cops are shooting people, athletes are kneeling and tweeting, and rioters are destroying their own cities.  It would be an understatement to say that our current situation is unsustainable. Conversations regarding racial issues always seem to gravitate towards  blame .  Whose fault is it?  Upon whom can we place the blame for the current state of our society?  Who should make reparations for past sins that have led us to this point?  White men?  Black men?  Fascists?  Marxists?  Western Civilization?  Colonialists?  The Patriarchy?  A number of options have been proffered, but, of course, there is no individual group or cause that is responsible for the economic and social unrest that plagues our nation.  It is a complex problem with a variety of causes, the chief of which is simply human depravity.    One factor does, however, stand out above the rest.  Both anecdo