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The Things You Give Up When You Become a Parent

Technology, particularly the Internet, is truly a wonderful thing.  It enables simple folk like myself to encounter things of which we could never have been aware just decades ago.  We have the world at our fingertips!  This is a good thing, but it can have unfortunate side-effects, one of which is discontent.  It's easy to see the things that other people are doing and feel like we're missing out on those things.  It's not unusual to find ourselves wishing we could experience more, buy more, and do more than our place in this world affords us.

This discontent is exacerbated when we have families.  Have you ever had second thoughts about getting married young, having children, or buying that house?  If only I were single, you might think, then I would be truly happy.  There's no two ways about it: when you have a family, you give up many things.  If you don't, you're probably very selfish.  Marriage and parenting, properly done, demand sacrifice. 

These things that must be sacrificed--possessions, activities, experiences, etc.--are not necessarily evil in and of themselves, but they must be sacrificed nonetheless.  Many of these things are actually quite good, considered in a vacuum.  Sports, career goals, travelling, and creative outlets are all excellent, but when you are a husband or wife, a father or mother, you simply no longer make decisions by and for yourself.  You must always take into consideration how your choices will affect your entire family.  Those other things become less important than pouring your resources--time, talents, and money--into the life you are building with your spouse and children.  The refusal of either or both partners to sacrifice for the good of the family spells doom for a marriage and the household, or, at the very least, leads to a life of bitterness and resentment.

It is no surprise that a culture rife with atheism, hedonism, and materialism has lost the taste for monogamy and raising a family.  You see, from a strictly earthly mindset, marriage isn't that appealing to many people.  Sure, some people still hold onto the quaint idea of the 9 to 5 and the picket fence, but, hey, marriage is difficult work and comes with tons of stress.  Raising a family is expensive and adds even more stress.  My generation has considered the alternative--doing whatever you want whenever you want, engaging sexually with whomever you want, answering to no one but ol' Uncle Sam, and spending all your money on yourself--and wonder what their parents ever saw in marriage.  That's just not for them.

The Christian should have a different set of priorities.  He should be heavenly-minded, allowing his faith to dictate what may make demands on his resources.  This is true for any Christian, whether married, single, widowed, childless, etc.  Christian parents should view parenting as an opportunity to serve Christ and to expand His Kingdom through influencing the next generation, while single Christians should view their "free time" as an opportunity to focus on serving God in more explicit capacities.  Freedom from responsibility is not a justification for self-service.

So, what is your focus?  Is it yourself?  Selfishness has been the defining characteristic of mankind since the Fall, but it seems to be more explicit these days.  We revel in our #selflove!  What dictates your priorities?  Are you building God's Kingdom or are you pleasure seeking?  Are you heavenly-minded or earthly-minded?  Too many Christians allow the cares of this world to choke out their faith.  Remember, the cares of this world are not necessarily inherently evil, but we must not allow them to dominate our lives and obscure our focus on God.  As Paul says in his first letter to the Corinthians, all things were lawful for him, but all things were not edifying.  We must maintain a balance between keeping a heavenly mindset and utilizing the things of the world wisely and temperately. 

Alas, most self-worshipers in time find their lifestyle leaves them pretty empty because we just weren't created for that sort of unbridled hedonism.  Eventually we yearn for something more.  The Christian, eyes heavenward, knows that his sacrifice will be worth it in the end.  Our Savior assured us that nothing in this world could possibly repay us for giving up our souls.  He who would save his life must lose it

It is not, however, the future life alone that holds greater things for us.  Jesus also told us in Mark 10:29-30 that everything we sacrifice in this world will be repaid in this life.  You read that right...in this life.  They may not appeal to the carnal mind, but those things that are truly valuable in this world belong to the spiritual man.  In return for vanity we receive purpose.  In place of loneliness we receive fellowship with the Triune God and the body of Christ.  Instead of a forgotten life we receive the potential for impacting future generations.  The grass is always greener on the other side, right?  So many people who abandon their responsibilities find that "freedom" is less satisfying than the imagined.  Personally, I don't know too many people who grow old wishing they wouldn't have stayed faithful to their spouses and children.  I know I wouldn't trade anything in the world for my family.  You give up much when you become a spouse and a parent, but you receive so much more in return.

 




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