We live in a hyper-critical era. Go on Facebook for five minutes and this becomes apparent. Everybody thinks that they know more than everyone else. We're a generation of experts! Nowhere is this demonstrated more clearly than in the discussion of our parents. We're all pretty sure our parents failed us in some catastrophic way and that is why we're broken, helpless people. Luckily, however, we are enlightened and can arise above our parents' failures. Our children will look back and think, "Man, my parents were incredible!"
Irreligious people feel this way, certainly, but their ire is nothing compared to that which issues forth from the offspring of evangelical Christians in America. Their parents were legalistic. Their parents were oppressive. Their parents were backwards and old-fashioned. Their parents abused them and taught them bad theology. Blog after blog after blog exists for no other purpose than to document these injustices! A recent blog post I read the other day offered a welcome reprieve from the typical "my parents sucked at parenting" blogs. The author describes his own childhood and expresses his gratitude to God for strict parents, knowing that they always had his best interests in mind. His approach is refreshingly balanced. He acknowledges that his parents were imperfect (as he is himself), but he also expresses appreciation for the fact that they preached the Gospel to him his entire life.
As I read the post, I was overwhelmed by how critical we are of our parents. Now, as an aside, let me quickly say that some parents are pretty awful. They are selfish and truly abuse their children. These parents do exist and their children bear the physical and psychological scars to prove it. I'm not talking about those kids and those parents. I'm talking about those of us that weren't allowed to listen to certain music or go out on dates like our friends were. I'm referencing those parents that attempted to shelter their children from the things that they felt would be damaging to their faith. These parents were overbearing, inconsistent, and sinful, sure, but that's called being human. So the question that I ask today is, can't we just cut them a little slack? Can't we give them the benefit of the doubt? Can't we assume that they loved us and wanted the best for us? Why do we have to demonize them and strive to be their polar opposites?
It's difficult to appreciate your parents until you are a parent. This is no novel concept, but one that is practically impossible to grasp until experienced. Someone can tell you this when you're 18 or 19 and just spreading those wings that have been clipped so long, but you won't really get it until you find yourself making parenting mistakes. Trust me, you'll make parenting mistakes. You'll be harsh with your children or you'll be too soft on them. Actually, both will probably happen--in the same day! These parenting mistakes (read: sins) will vary based on your individual temperament, but you'll commit these errors nonetheless. But you know what? You'll love your kids in a way that you've never loved anyone or anything before. You'll give them gifts and you'll squeeze them tight. You'll want the best for them and you'll sacrifice to give it to them, and when you're old and gray, you'll hope that, despite all the times you failed them, you loved them and raised them the best way they knew how. All your rules and discipline were imperfect, but ultimately proceeded from a heart that wanted to see them succeed at life and embrace the faith of their parents. Shouldn't we give our parents that same benefit of the doubt? If we don't, there's a good chance that our children will look back at their childhood and imitate the disdain for our parents that we expressed.
Can't we just cut our parents a little slack?
Irreligious people feel this way, certainly, but their ire is nothing compared to that which issues forth from the offspring of evangelical Christians in America. Their parents were legalistic. Their parents were oppressive. Their parents were backwards and old-fashioned. Their parents abused them and taught them bad theology. Blog after blog after blog exists for no other purpose than to document these injustices! A recent blog post I read the other day offered a welcome reprieve from the typical "my parents sucked at parenting" blogs. The author describes his own childhood and expresses his gratitude to God for strict parents, knowing that they always had his best interests in mind. His approach is refreshingly balanced. He acknowledges that his parents were imperfect (as he is himself), but he also expresses appreciation for the fact that they preached the Gospel to him his entire life.
As I read the post, I was overwhelmed by how critical we are of our parents. Now, as an aside, let me quickly say that some parents are pretty awful. They are selfish and truly abuse their children. These parents do exist and their children bear the physical and psychological scars to prove it. I'm not talking about those kids and those parents. I'm talking about those of us that weren't allowed to listen to certain music or go out on dates like our friends were. I'm referencing those parents that attempted to shelter their children from the things that they felt would be damaging to their faith. These parents were overbearing, inconsistent, and sinful, sure, but that's called being human. So the question that I ask today is, can't we just cut them a little slack? Can't we give them the benefit of the doubt? Can't we assume that they loved us and wanted the best for us? Why do we have to demonize them and strive to be their polar opposites?
It's difficult to appreciate your parents until you are a parent. This is no novel concept, but one that is practically impossible to grasp until experienced. Someone can tell you this when you're 18 or 19 and just spreading those wings that have been clipped so long, but you won't really get it until you find yourself making parenting mistakes. Trust me, you'll make parenting mistakes. You'll be harsh with your children or you'll be too soft on them. Actually, both will probably happen--in the same day! These parenting mistakes (read: sins) will vary based on your individual temperament, but you'll commit these errors nonetheless. But you know what? You'll love your kids in a way that you've never loved anyone or anything before. You'll give them gifts and you'll squeeze them tight. You'll want the best for them and you'll sacrifice to give it to them, and when you're old and gray, you'll hope that, despite all the times you failed them, you loved them and raised them the best way they knew how. All your rules and discipline were imperfect, but ultimately proceeded from a heart that wanted to see them succeed at life and embrace the faith of their parents. Shouldn't we give our parents that same benefit of the doubt? If we don't, there's a good chance that our children will look back at their childhood and imitate the disdain for our parents that we expressed.
Can't we just cut our parents a little slack?
Comments
Post a Comment