Remember when people used to stay together for the kids? Yeah, no one does that anymore.
Marriages continue to fall apart as often as they stay together. Commitment seems to be an issue especially for Millennials. While the divorce rate is actually down for that age group, that's probably because they are waiting longer to get married or are simply not getting married at all. You don't need scientific studies to realize that there's an issue with marriages these days. We've probably all seen it: a couple gets married and everything seems great, but, before the couple celebrates their fifth anniversary (or even their first), one spouse tells the other that marriage just isn't for them. It's depressing to see how many of my friends/acquaintances have gotten married and then separated very soon afterwards. Sometimes it's the husband. Sometimes it's the wife. Sometimes it's mutual.
Let me begin by saying that I have personally known people who have been on both sides of this equation, which is why this post was particularly difficult to write. I want to make it clear that my intention is not to condemn or judge, but to observe and encourage. Why are so many Millennials abandoning their marriages/spouses?
First of all, Millennials are getting divorced because they can. No one cares anymore. Their prospective mates have been divorced, their parents are divorced, and their grandparents wish they would've gotten divorced. Having never known a whole household, young people have no issue with shuffling their children back and forth week in and week out. Having already cohabitated unsuccessfully multiple times, they easily make the leap to divorce. Now, I don't think this is an issue that is confined to my generation. My parents' generation--the so-called Boomers--led the way in exploding the divorce rate. Divorce has been around for a really long time, so it's not a modern phenomenon. Unhappy marriages have been an even more common occurrence, and the Boomers and their parents probably would've gotten divorced more frequently if not for the cultural stigma that it once entailed. Three generations of divorce have slowly eroded the family to the point that a "normal" family is now relatively abnormal (ever watched Modern Family?).
Secondly, Millennials get divorced because it's more economically feasible for people to get divorced now. People, especially women, are no longer as codependent as they used to be. When the garden needed harvesting, divorce just didn't make sense. When the woman had no bank account or financial education, divorce just wasn't an option. Now feminism and welfare programs have made single-motherhood far more manageable. In some ways this is a good thing as it has allowed many women to escape the type of abusive situations that their mothers and grandmothers simply had to endure. However, it has also taken away one more deterrent to divorce. Getting divorced is by no means good for one's financial status, but it's just not as much of a financial drawback as it used to be.
Thirdly, and primarily for my purposes today, Millennials get divorced because they watched too much Disney Channel. Allow me to explain. Our culture, as demonstrated by modern music, TV, and movies, has begun to exalt happiness above all else. The only objective evil, it seems, is the failure to pursue your own happiness. Concepts like sacrifice, loyalty, deference, and work are spurned in lieu of self-expression and reckless self-gratification. Let's face it, Millennials have terrible priorities. I don't know if there has ever been in the history of this world a generation so bent on entertainment and self-fulfillment. We've created a culture of young adults who cannot perform menial tasks without their earbuds blaring music into their ears and their phones streaming data into their brains. All they want to do is have fun and be cool. Anything that requires effort is strictly off-limits.
What does this have to do with marriage? Well, romantic relationships are often pictured chiefly as a way to make oneself happy. Any relationship that doesn't work was simply not meant to be, even if that relationship made it all the way to the altar and beyond. Loyally trying to work out a bad marriage is viewed as dishonest and pointless. Alongside this we have the romantic notion that marriage will solve our problems, which is patently false. We tells kids that all you have to do is find the one and everything will be sunshine and rainbows, but that's nowhere near the reality of marriage. Let me assure you, marriage will not solve all your problems. It will exacerbate them. Marriage was never designed to solve all your personal problems; you need to deal with those before you ever get to the altar. When people get married and find out that their perfect little world is not quite as stable as they thought it would be, they jump ship. Marriage requires effort, and that's something many people my age are unwilling to put forth, especially when they've been taught to believe that true love requires no work.
So what can be done about this epidemic? Well, it starts with parenting. Children who grow up in a home or a culture that views divorce as the norm will have issues with maintaining healthy marriages. Beyond that, marriages that are impulsive and ill-advised need to be avoided. Parents must counsel their children wisely, both by example and by instruction.
The responsibility, however, ultimately lies with the young people getting married. So, if you're thinking about getting married, let me offer you this advice. Don't get married on a whim. Don't get married if you're hoping to solve problems, either your personal problems or fractures in your relationship. Don't get married if what you really want is a baby. That's a lousy foundation for a marriage and a lousy reason to settle for someone you don't really want to marry. For Pete's sake, don't get married just because everyone around you is getting married! What if you have already gotten married and you regret your choice? Resolve to work things out. Do everything you can do to love and serve your spouse and pray that he/she responds positively. What if you're already divorced? Your primary goal should be reconciliation, if plausible and safe. While there are legitimate grounds for divorce, divorce is always an unfortunate ending, so both parties should seek reconciliation. If you were the offending party, you should repent and seek forgiveness, even if your ex has already moved on. If you were the party sinned against and reconciliation is not possible, all you can do is give it to God and try to use the experience to grow.
We need to restore a sense of faithfulness and loyalty in this country, and that starts by putting the needs and desires of others before our own. History demonstrates that a strong culture relies upon a strong family, so for the sake of those we love and the longevity of our nation, we need to invest our energy in marriages that last.
Marriages continue to fall apart as often as they stay together. Commitment seems to be an issue especially for Millennials. While the divorce rate is actually down for that age group, that's probably because they are waiting longer to get married or are simply not getting married at all. You don't need scientific studies to realize that there's an issue with marriages these days. We've probably all seen it: a couple gets married and everything seems great, but, before the couple celebrates their fifth anniversary (or even their first), one spouse tells the other that marriage just isn't for them. It's depressing to see how many of my friends/acquaintances have gotten married and then separated very soon afterwards. Sometimes it's the husband. Sometimes it's the wife. Sometimes it's mutual.
Let me begin by saying that I have personally known people who have been on both sides of this equation, which is why this post was particularly difficult to write. I want to make it clear that my intention is not to condemn or judge, but to observe and encourage. Why are so many Millennials abandoning their marriages/spouses?
First of all, Millennials are getting divorced because they can. No one cares anymore. Their prospective mates have been divorced, their parents are divorced, and their grandparents wish they would've gotten divorced. Having never known a whole household, young people have no issue with shuffling their children back and forth week in and week out. Having already cohabitated unsuccessfully multiple times, they easily make the leap to divorce. Now, I don't think this is an issue that is confined to my generation. My parents' generation--the so-called Boomers--led the way in exploding the divorce rate. Divorce has been around for a really long time, so it's not a modern phenomenon. Unhappy marriages have been an even more common occurrence, and the Boomers and their parents probably would've gotten divorced more frequently if not for the cultural stigma that it once entailed. Three generations of divorce have slowly eroded the family to the point that a "normal" family is now relatively abnormal (ever watched Modern Family?).
Secondly, Millennials get divorced because it's more economically feasible for people to get divorced now. People, especially women, are no longer as codependent as they used to be. When the garden needed harvesting, divorce just didn't make sense. When the woman had no bank account or financial education, divorce just wasn't an option. Now feminism and welfare programs have made single-motherhood far more manageable. In some ways this is a good thing as it has allowed many women to escape the type of abusive situations that their mothers and grandmothers simply had to endure. However, it has also taken away one more deterrent to divorce. Getting divorced is by no means good for one's financial status, but it's just not as much of a financial drawback as it used to be.
Thirdly, and primarily for my purposes today, Millennials get divorced because they watched too much Disney Channel. Allow me to explain. Our culture, as demonstrated by modern music, TV, and movies, has begun to exalt happiness above all else. The only objective evil, it seems, is the failure to pursue your own happiness. Concepts like sacrifice, loyalty, deference, and work are spurned in lieu of self-expression and reckless self-gratification. Let's face it, Millennials have terrible priorities. I don't know if there has ever been in the history of this world a generation so bent on entertainment and self-fulfillment. We've created a culture of young adults who cannot perform menial tasks without their earbuds blaring music into their ears and their phones streaming data into their brains. All they want to do is have fun and be cool. Anything that requires effort is strictly off-limits.
What does this have to do with marriage? Well, romantic relationships are often pictured chiefly as a way to make oneself happy. Any relationship that doesn't work was simply not meant to be, even if that relationship made it all the way to the altar and beyond. Loyally trying to work out a bad marriage is viewed as dishonest and pointless. Alongside this we have the romantic notion that marriage will solve our problems, which is patently false. We tells kids that all you have to do is find the one and everything will be sunshine and rainbows, but that's nowhere near the reality of marriage. Let me assure you, marriage will not solve all your problems. It will exacerbate them. Marriage was never designed to solve all your personal problems; you need to deal with those before you ever get to the altar. When people get married and find out that their perfect little world is not quite as stable as they thought it would be, they jump ship. Marriage requires effort, and that's something many people my age are unwilling to put forth, especially when they've been taught to believe that true love requires no work.
So what can be done about this epidemic? Well, it starts with parenting. Children who grow up in a home or a culture that views divorce as the norm will have issues with maintaining healthy marriages. Beyond that, marriages that are impulsive and ill-advised need to be avoided. Parents must counsel their children wisely, both by example and by instruction.
The responsibility, however, ultimately lies with the young people getting married. So, if you're thinking about getting married, let me offer you this advice. Don't get married on a whim. Don't get married if you're hoping to solve problems, either your personal problems or fractures in your relationship. Don't get married if what you really want is a baby. That's a lousy foundation for a marriage and a lousy reason to settle for someone you don't really want to marry. For Pete's sake, don't get married just because everyone around you is getting married! What if you have already gotten married and you regret your choice? Resolve to work things out. Do everything you can do to love and serve your spouse and pray that he/she responds positively. What if you're already divorced? Your primary goal should be reconciliation, if plausible and safe. While there are legitimate grounds for divorce, divorce is always an unfortunate ending, so both parties should seek reconciliation. If you were the offending party, you should repent and seek forgiveness, even if your ex has already moved on. If you were the party sinned against and reconciliation is not possible, all you can do is give it to God and try to use the experience to grow.
We need to restore a sense of faithfulness and loyalty in this country, and that starts by putting the needs and desires of others before our own. History demonstrates that a strong culture relies upon a strong family, so for the sake of those we love and the longevity of our nation, we need to invest our energy in marriages that last.
Comments
Post a Comment