1 Peter 3:1-6: A Divine Fashion Sense

This is a sermon I delivered on 6/4/17.  I do not speak from a manuscript, and I rarely turn my notes into one after the fact, but I felt compelled to for this sermon because of the reception I received and the important, controversial nature of the subject.  I welcome sincere interaction on the topics presented here.  I do not expect nonchristians to agree with the perspective given, but I would challenge anyone who claims to be a Bible-believing Christian to examine their hearts if they do not agree with the Biblical view of the home presented in this passage.

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.  1 Peter 3:1-6

We live in a world dominated by the visual, the carnal, and the external.  Our culture is obsessed with the outward appearance.  Fashion, then, is a major industry in our world as we spend billions of dollars on our clothes, accessories, hair, and make-up each year.  Health and Beauty companies prey particularly on the low self-esteem of women in order to sell them products to make them look younger, skinnier, etc.  Peter, however, calls us, particularly women, to a different set of priorities.  He calls us to a divine fashion sense

Peter begins Chapter 3 by addressing wives.  We have already seen him address citizens of the state (2:13) and servants (2:18) in the previous chapter.  When we put these three together, we can see that he is addressing groups that are vulnerable.  All three of these groups, all of which were typically well-represented in the Early Church, are under authority and, therefore, liable to abuse.  Peter has basically two commands for these wives whom he addresses: to be subject and to focus on internal beauty. 

Peter’s first command is to be subject.  “Subject” is the same word that we saw in 2:13 and 18, where he commands citizens to be subject to civil authorities and servants to be subject to their masters.  This word means “to place or rank under, to subject oneself, or to obey.”  The core idea is the idea of placing oneself under or recognizing the authority of another.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  This does not imply that wives relate to their husbands in the same exact way that citizens relate to the state or servants relate to their masters, but there is present a theme of submission to authority.  The authority of the husband is a real authority.  God has ordained that the husband is the head of the wife, as well as the rest of the family.  In Ephesians 5:22-23 we read, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.” 

As an aside, notice that both passages command women to submit to their “own” husbands.  The words “wives” and “husbands” would be literally rendered “women” and “men,” the context determining whether spouses are intended or women and men generically.  This has led some to conclude women are to submit to men, generally speaking, but the context clearly shows that both Peter and Paul are describing the submission within the home, not the subjugation of one gender to the other.

The bottom line is this: the husband is called to be the leader of the home.  This leadership, at least done faithfully, may even be more difficult than the submission.  We’ll see this when we look at the next section.  The home is a social unit that acts as the foundation of society and it must have a leader.  God has clearly called the husband/father to be that leader.

Why does Peter call wives to be subject to their husbands?  Let’s note first of all what he does NOT say.  He does not say that men are inherently superior to women.  He does not say that women are less valuable or less important than men.  He does not even say that women are incapable of leadership.  Many single mothers have raised Godly offspring, so we know that isn’t true. 

Elsewhere in Scripture we see several reasons, such as the order of Creation and the woman’s role in the Fall, but here Peter is emphasizing the Christian calling to suffer.  He has already told citizens to submit to their civil rulers and servants to submit to unjust masters, and here he applies the same concept to wives.  He anticipates an objection, just as he does in the previous section.  “But what if my husband is an unbeliever?”  Peter tells them that their faithfulness might just be that which God uses to bring their unbelieving husbands to faith.  Peter is certainly not saying that God will save apart from the objective truth of His Gospel, as if a person could be saved without having heard the truth of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but he is saying that sometimes God uses living parables to soften hearts to the Gospel.  When someone has rejected the Gospel, his heart can be softened to it by seeing it lived out in the life of his spouse. 

Peter specifically mentions respectful and pure conduct.  The word respect literally means fear.  We saw this word in Verses 17 and 18 of the previous chapter where Peter commands the fear of God and respect of masters.  He is not calling wives to be afraid of their husbands, but to have a healthy reverence and respect for them.  The term pure carries a wide range of meaning, anything from chaste to undefiled or even ceremonially clean.  Peter is probably referring primarily to faithfulness to her husband, sexually speaking.  He may also have in mind a general life of sanctification.  He’s saying, “Don’t use Christianity as an excuse to abandon or disrespect your husband.  Don’t use your religion as an excuse to commit adultery; use your situation as an opportunity to proliferate the Gospel!”

So Peter’s first command to wives is to be subject to their husbands.  His second command logically flows from the first.  He commands them to focus on inner beauty.  He begins by telling them what not to prioritize.  He says, “Do not focus on outward adornment.”  He lists three areas of fashion: hair, jewelry, and clothing.  Now, Peter is not saying that is it is wrong to style one’s hair or to wear jewelry any more than he is saying that it is wrong to wear clothing, but we do have a tendency to make excuses to soften the meaning of what the Bible says.  Peter is telling us that carnal fashion should not be our focus.  Simply put, our physical appearance does not matter.  Our hair, clothes, and overall style have no eternal value.   We should not define ourselves by how we look or the outward trappings that go on our body.  Instead, we are to focus on the internal person.  Peter tells these wives to focus on the hidden person of the heart, cultivating a gentle and quiet spirit.  This type of beauty is imperishable. 

Why does Peter tell them to focus on inner beauty?  He offers two reasons.  First of all, we should focus on inner beauty because it is precious to God.  “Precious” refers to something that has a high value or is very important.  In the first chapter of our epistle Peter applies this adjective to both our faith (1:7) and the blood of Christ (1:19).  He is emphasizing those things that are enduring.  These are the things that truly matter.  He is realigning their mindset so that they value eternal things instead of temporal things.  He is keeping their eyes on eternity.  The world values physical appearance, but God values character.  Men want your body, but God wants your heart. 

We see this illustrated in the story of the anointing of David.  Samuel is told to go to the house of Jesse to anoint a king, but he is not given a name.  When he arrives, he sees Eliab and assumes that he must be God’s choice.  After all, he is tall, dark, and handsome.  He’s the oldest.  He’s stately and looks like a leader.  However, 1 Samuel 16:7 says, “But the LORD said to Samuel, ‘Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.’”

The question at hand is, “Do you want the approval of God or of man?”  Do you want God to think you’re beautiful?  Or do you want to be lusted after by men?  We need to view things as God does.  We need to define beauty as He defines beauty.  We need to place value upon those things that He views as precious.  We need to develop a divine fashion sense.

Peter’s second reason includes a bit of a history lesson.  He points them to the example of holy women.  One of the major weaknesses of the modern Church, particularly in America, is that she doesn’t respect her spiritual ancestors like she should.  In an effort to get away from “saint worship,” we have lost the example of our spiritual ancestors.  We would all do well to study Church history, read biographies of famous Christians, and imitate the examples of those God has used in His Church.  Peter mentions holy women, which most commentators agree refers to the wives of the Patriarchs (Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob).  They, he says, adorned themselves with respect for their husbands.  They beautified themselves by their conduct and attitude, not simply by their appearance. 

Peter specifically singles out Sarah.  I think she gets a bad rap.  We always remember that she laughed at the promise of God, but we forget that she followed Abraham from their home to the middle of nowhere.  Peter notes that she called Abraham “lord” or “master.”  I don’t think Peter is necessarily telling wives to call their husbands "lord."  Remember, the example we have of Sarah using this term is when she was speaking to the angel, not to Abraham himself.  Peter is emphasizing that Sarah recognized Abraham’s place as her authority figure.  She was conscious of his role in her life as her head.  Peter says that they would be her children IF they did what she did.  Spiritual ancestry is based not on any blood relation, but upon the imitation of our ancestors’ examples.  He gives them the bottom line: do good and do not fear.  In other words, obey God, obey your husbands, and let God deal with the consequences.

This is a challenging passage for many in our day, but it is the truth of God's Word, so we must submit to it.  Let’s look at a few ways that we can apply it to our own lives.  Let me offer three ways:

Firstly, women are called to submit to their husbands.  Ever since the Fall, and even before, I guess, no one has wanted to submit, but we are all called to submit to somebody.  We are actually all called to submit to each other, but this mutual submission does not negate the order God has ordained in society.  Women, when you say “I do,” you are taking on the authority of your husband.  Just as an immigrant taking an oath of allegiance promises to obey the laws of the land, so a bride promises to obey her new leader.  This is not a popular idea in our age, but it is the plain teaching of Scripture.  You cannot consistently claim to surrender to Jesus Christ and reject His order in the home.

Secondly, we are call to set aside our rights for the spiritual well-being of others, particularly our mates.  We always seem to focus on what we’re “allowed” to do, but Peter, and other New Testament authors, calls us to set aside our rights to bless others.  In Philippians 2:3 Paul says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves.”  If enduring hardship or foregoing convenience can have eternal benefits for others, then we should embrace it.  This is true for all Christians, but the example we have before us is of wives of ungodly husbands.  Obviously there are times when a woman’s life is in danger.  That’s not what we’re talking about.  In such a situation the other realms of authority, the Church and the State should step in and deal with it, but if respecting an unpleasant husband has the potential to produce eternal results, then a wife should capitalize on that opportunity to suffer.  To do so is to imitate Christ, as we saw at the end of Chapter 2.

Thirdly and finally, we need to focus on internal beauty.  Parents, teach your children to value inner beauty in the ways that you encourage and compliment them.  Married women, adorn yourselves by respecting and blessing your husband, not simply by trying to look good for him.  Married men, compliment your wife’s character, not just her figure.  Young women, look for a mate that focuses on your mind and soul more than on your body.  Young men, look for a mate who spends more time cultivating her character than her looks.  As a general rule, young people, never marry someone who has more shoes than books!  Proverbs 31:30 makes very clear what our priorities should be when choosing a mate.  It says, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears Yahweh is to be praised.”  Physical beauty will fade.  That's one of the few guarantees in this life.  Internal beauty, however, becomes even more appealing with age. 

Once again, Peter is keeping our eyes trained on eternity.  We’ve seen this throughout this epistle.  He wants us to value what God values.  He wants us to focus on and invest ourselves in that which will endure.  Everyone, men and women, children, teens, and adults, need to develop a divine fashion sense.