I.
Introduction
a.
Chapter 3
i.
In Chapter 3,
Paul has been describing for us a heavenly-minded lifestyle.
ii.
He tells us what
bad attitudes and actions we need to get rid of.
iii.
He tells what
good attitudes and actions with which need to replace the bad ones.
b.
Having summarized
the duty of all Christians, Paul now begins to address different groups of
people within the body. He specifically
deals with how we relate to one another as Christians. This is how we show that Christ has changed
our lives. Brian Bill: “The true test of
our relationship with Christ is how we relate to others. Or to say it another way, the home is the
first place we test our newness in Christ as ‘God’s chosen people, holy and
dearly loved.’ Jesus is referred to as ‘Lord’ or ‘Master’ seven times in these
verses because His lordship finds conclusive expression in the day-to-day,
routine relationships of life.” MH: “We
are really doing our duty to God when we are faithful in our duty to men.”
c.
We will see
strong parallels to Ephesians 5.
II.
Verse 18: The
duty of wives to their husbands
a.
This is probably
the most controversial topic right now (besides maybe
homosexuality). A belief in God’s
structure of the home is becoming increasingly unpopular, but that doesn’t make
it any less true.
b.
Not only society,
but even people in the Church reject this.
They are quick to point out that Paul commands mutual submission of all
Christians in Ephesians 5. This is
true. We are all to submit to one
another in Christ, but that doesn’t remove the special duty of the wife to
submit to her husband.
c.
What? Paul commands the wives to submit to their
husbands. Submit=to obey; to subject; to
place or rank under. This is the same
word in Romans 13:1. It was originally a
military word showing the order of command.
Note: this is not a command for women to submit to men. This is wives to their husbands in the
structure of the home.
d.
Why? It is fitting in the Lord. Fitting=due or proper. It’s the will of God. It’s the order God has established for the
home. It’s the way God has designed
things to work.
e.
Paul gives us a
couple of other reasons in other passages.
i.
Ephesians 5:23:
The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church.
ii.
1 Corinthians
11:8-9: Man was created first and woman was created as a helpmeet for man.
iii.
1 Timothy
2:13-14: Eve sinned first.
III.
Verse 19: The
duty of husbands to their wives
a.
So, that’s where
it stops, right? Many sermons end
there.
b.
What? Husbands must love their wives. Love=agape, which is self-sacrificing love
based on commitment. John Gill: “[This
love] consists in a strong and cordial affection for them; in a real delight and
pleasure in them; in seeking their contentment, satisfaction, and pleasure; in
a quiet, constant, and comfortable dwelling with them; in a providing all
things necessary for them; in a protecting them from all injuries and abuses;
in concealing their faults, and covering their infirmities; in entertaining the
best opinion of their persons and actions; and in endeavouring to promote their
spiritual good and welfare.” That’s
quite a responsibility!
c.
Why? Paul doesn’t give a reason here, but he does give reasons in Ephesians 5:25-33.
1.
We are one with
our wives. By loving them, we love
ourselves. It’s common sense.
2.
We are called to
sanctify our wives.
3.
Marriage is a
microcosm of Christ and the Church.
Marriage was designed to picture how Christ loves His Church. We must love our wives in the same
self-sacrificing way that Christ loved us.
Whom does Paul give the heavier responsibility here?
d.
Paul adds a
warning. He says, “Do not be harsh with
them.” Harsh=bitter. Some commentators say Paul is warning us not
to make our wives bitter, while others think Paul is telling husbands not to
become bitter with their wives. I agree
with the former (parallel seen in next verse).
When husbands exercise their authority poorly, wives become bitter, and
the marriage becomes a struggle for all parties involved.
e.
Some women balk
at the idea of obeying their husbands. This is partly because of the way marriage has been perverted and abused. Marriage was
never intended to be one party ordering around the other party. AB: “Where commands begin in this relation,
happiness usually ends; and the moment a husband requires a wife to do
anything, it is usually a signal of departing or departed affection and
peace. When there are proper feelings in
both parties in this relation, there will be no occasion either to command or
to obey. There should be such mutual
love and confidence, that the known wish of the husband should be a law to the
wife; and that the known desires of the wife should be the rule which he would
approve.”
IV.
Verse 20: The
duty of children to their parents
a.
This is only
slightly more popular than Paul’s command to wives.
b.
What? Children to obey their parents.
c.
To what
extent? In everything. Now, this does not, of course, mean that
children are supposed to do something wrong if their parents tell them to. Even children have the responsibility to obey
God rather than man, even their parents.
However, this means that the jurisdiction of the parents covers every
area of that child’s life. Children
should obey their parents even in the areas that are not explicitly right or
wrong. “Because I said so” is Biblical,
to a certain extent.
d.
Why? This is the simplest why. It pleases the Lord. In Ephesians 6:1-3, Paul adds that this is
the first command with a promise—long life.
e.
In our modern day
we do not take this command seriously, but this sin is placed in the same category
as many heinous sins. Romans 1:29-31; 2 Timothy 3:2-5. Disobedience to parents is a dangerous sin,
and one that God hates.
f.
While children’s
relationships to their parents change as they get older, there is a sense in
which this is a lifelong command. We
should always respect and honor our parents.
We should always seek their advice.
Even more than that, though, we ought to seek to please them and to
honor their legacy.
V.
Verse 21: The
manner in which a father exercises authority
a.
Fathers are not
to provoke their children. Provoke=stir
up. This applies as equally to mothers,
but is especially necessary for fathers to hear. Fathers must not be overbearing. They must not nit-pick. They must not be physically abusive. They must not mock them or demean them. They must not expect more from them than
children are capable of giving and being.
They must not neglect or ignore their children.
b.
Why? They will become discouraged. Discouraged=lose heart. When parents make it hard to obey their commands,
children can become resentful. When
parents are never satisfied with what their children do, those children often
cease any attempts to please them. When
parents are inconsistent and discipline out of anger instead of love, children
lose respect for their parents. When
parents ignore and neglect their children, they simply lose the hearts of their
children. So, while children are to obey
in everything, parents are to exercise that authority responsibly.
c.
Parents must not
make it difficult for their children to obey.
Ideally, the parents would have the love and trust of their children to such
a degree that the children would sincerely follow and obey their parents
because they honestly believe that their parents know and want what is best for
them.
VI.
Verses 22-25: The
duty of slaves to their masters
a.
Slaves were a
part of the home.
b.
This was
incredibly applicable to the people in Paul’s day. Nearly 50% of the people in the Roman Empire were slaves.
There were probably slaves and masters in this very congregation. In fact, churches were one of the only places
where one might find slaves and masters gathering together.
c.
This section is
still very applicable in the 21st century.
i.
Slavery is not
dead. It is still rampant in many areas
of the world.
ii.
Those of us who
live in countries where slavery is banned can still glean principles of
following authority.
iii.
We can learn
invaluable principles for how employers and employees ought to interact.
d.
What? Paul commands slaves/servants (those in
involuntary servitude) to obey their masters.
The Gospel was not giving an excuse to rebel.
e.
To what
extent? In everything.
f.
How? Sincerely, and not as people-pleasers. They were to be as diligent when their boss
was absent as when he was there.
g.
Why?
i.
Fear of the Lord
ii.
We really work
for Jesus. All that we do is to be for
His glory.
iii.
Ultimately, God
will judge.
1.
An inheritance
awaits the faithful; condemnation awaits the unfaithful.
2.
There is no
partiality. A master will not receive
any leniency because of his position, nor will a slave receive leniency because
of his position.
VII.
Verse 1: The duty
of masters to their slaves
a.
What? Masters must treat their slaves justly and
fairly. Literally, they are to provide
them with equity and justice.
b.
Why? Everybody has a Master, even the master. “Lord” is a bit of a confusing translation
since we associate that with the name of God or with Christ as King. Lord meant master. Jesus is our boss. He is our owner. He directs our lives. This should be comforting and scary.
VIII.
Concluding
thoughts
a.
God cares about
the little guy. Paul cares about for
children, women, and slaves. This was
revolutionary.
b.
Our equality in
Christ does not mean that we have the same function. We are all as equally valuable to God. We are all as equally saved in God’s
eyes. Nonetheless, different people have
different callings and functions within the Family, Church, and State.
c.
In order for
there to be unity and peace, particularly in the family, everyone needs to be
on the same page and take care of their own business. When one member of the family rejects the
structure God has ordained for the home, the family begins to fall apart. The wife must submit. The husband and father must love and
nurture. Children must obey. When one of these pieces is missing, the
entire puzzle falls apart. Abuses
occur. Hearts become bitter. The goal of marriage is lost.
d.
Authority is
serious and can be very dangerous when it is misused. This is true of anyone in a position of
authority, but especially true of husbands and fathers. We must be constantly on guard against the
temptation to abuse our authority. The
authority we have has been given by God and is based upon the responsibilities
they have to love, to nurture, to sanctify, and to provide for our families. We have a perfect role model—Jesus.
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