I say this often, I'm sure, but today I truly am going to depart from my regular formula. I want to discuss a topic today, instead of a passage. I do want to discuss it from a Biblical standpoint, however. This past week I saw many statuses and comments chronicling the passing of a beloved wife and mother. I did not personally know her or the family, but I emotionally connected with the story as this Sunday will mark the eighth year since my own mother went to be with her Creator. Deaths around holidays are always more difficult. They are harder to ignore. The mutual family members are gathered all around you. Holiday traditions you shared evoke his/her memory. So I know how they're feeling. I remember what they're experiencing.
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what the intent of today's post actually is. I guess it's on my mind and I needed something to say until my Christmas post. At any rate, eight years...wow! Just saying it blows my mind. And yet, at this point I'm so used to being the kid without a mother that I guess I don't really remember what it was like to have one. My mom, Gloria, had her first in a series of strokes when I was four or five, so she was never able to do all the things she wanted to do as my mother. I never really expected her to. I accepted the reality that I would do without. Naturally, my father and sisters compensated, but it wasn't the same. I doubt I will ever truly realize the profound effect her sickness has had on my personality and that of my siblings.
And then she breathed her last, and we took it just like all the other bad news. But this was different. Mourning a loved one, particularly a spouse/parent, is a singularly sanctifying event, especially if you're very young (and think you're not very young). God uses loss to shape us. The problem is, sometimes you fight it and make backward progress before you move a step forward. That basically epitomizes my life between the ages of 14-18. My strategy was to ignore my emotional and structural needs that had for so long been lacking. This caused me to, as they say, find love in all the wrong places, or perhaps better said, in the wrong mindsets.
Why am I saying all (or any) of this? Well, mourning positively is the most important thing in any loss. Whether you have lost someone or not, this is important to know. Many people are awkward around mourners. They simply do not know what to say because they don't know what it's like. I think they feel guilty for having a "normal" family. At any rate, they can sympathize, at best. They cannot empathize. Whether you're mourning or your best friend is, remember to encourage positive mourning. Allow yourself or your friend to cry. Don't pretend that it's been so long that it isn't fresh. Understand that your friend will never be "over" this loss. It's something that changes your life. Reminisce unabashedly. Don't be afraid to talk about your dead mother. Friends, let your friends talk about their lost loved ones. Make sure this loss adds to who you are as a person, not detracts. Make sure this loss makes you a stronger individual, not a mentally/emotionally handicapped person.
I was never especially close to my mom. That is the curse of losing her at 14. You don't realize how fleeting life is. In many ways, this has made the loss worse because you know you wasted time, and, like your loved one, you can't get that time back.
Mourning is not something to be ashamed of, but sometimes it must be done alone.
Mourn well. Be that friend who fills in the new gap. Use God's opportunity for growth.
To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure what the intent of today's post actually is. I guess it's on my mind and I needed something to say until my Christmas post. At any rate, eight years...wow! Just saying it blows my mind. And yet, at this point I'm so used to being the kid without a mother that I guess I don't really remember what it was like to have one. My mom, Gloria, had her first in a series of strokes when I was four or five, so she was never able to do all the things she wanted to do as my mother. I never really expected her to. I accepted the reality that I would do without. Naturally, my father and sisters compensated, but it wasn't the same. I doubt I will ever truly realize the profound effect her sickness has had on my personality and that of my siblings.
And then she breathed her last, and we took it just like all the other bad news. But this was different. Mourning a loved one, particularly a spouse/parent, is a singularly sanctifying event, especially if you're very young (and think you're not very young). God uses loss to shape us. The problem is, sometimes you fight it and make backward progress before you move a step forward. That basically epitomizes my life between the ages of 14-18. My strategy was to ignore my emotional and structural needs that had for so long been lacking. This caused me to, as they say, find love in all the wrong places, or perhaps better said, in the wrong mindsets.
Why am I saying all (or any) of this? Well, mourning positively is the most important thing in any loss. Whether you have lost someone or not, this is important to know. Many people are awkward around mourners. They simply do not know what to say because they don't know what it's like. I think they feel guilty for having a "normal" family. At any rate, they can sympathize, at best. They cannot empathize. Whether you're mourning or your best friend is, remember to encourage positive mourning. Allow yourself or your friend to cry. Don't pretend that it's been so long that it isn't fresh. Understand that your friend will never be "over" this loss. It's something that changes your life. Reminisce unabashedly. Don't be afraid to talk about your dead mother. Friends, let your friends talk about their lost loved ones. Make sure this loss adds to who you are as a person, not detracts. Make sure this loss makes you a stronger individual, not a mentally/emotionally handicapped person.
I was never especially close to my mom. That is the curse of losing her at 14. You don't realize how fleeting life is. In many ways, this has made the loss worse because you know you wasted time, and, like your loved one, you can't get that time back.
Mourning is not something to be ashamed of, but sometimes it must be done alone.
Mourn well. Be that friend who fills in the new gap. Use God's opportunity for growth.
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